The Joys of Fortyhood

Ah the joys of forty! And by joys I mean crap that happens to me since I turned forty. No joy. At all. Not only does sneezing make me pee a little, I swear a really good one makes my hair grow just enough to show gray. Seriously?  I already have to dye my hair every two weeks at which time I, A. Look like Dracula for a week with my black stained skin hairline, and 2. My hair is about fried to the point of no return. Mrs. Frizzle coming at you, right here. Another joy of fortyhood is the backwards compliments I get pretty much daily. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll take a compliment any way I can get one but sometimes I can’t believe my ears. It was bad enough when my Little asked me if a cobbler made my shoes when I was little. Just this week alone I had a teenager ask me how old I am and then his mouth dropped when I told him. He said he was shocked that I am so old! Whoa pump the brakes buddy, I’m not quite circling the drain yet. I also had a guy tell me I’m the best hygienist he’s ever had because I’m so cool and do the best job on his teeth. Just as I had a huge smile on my face and was about to thank him, he added that I’m probably so good because I’m older so I know what I’m doing. Wait, what? My face slowly fell. Even my newly injected Botox couldn’t hide my expression. Check please! 

One perk of being forty is that I rarely ever get carded when I buy alcohol. However I rarely buy alcohol since one drink makes me go to sleep by 7pm. Thanks 40!  I know how to fill out a postcard, use a pay phone, and who Phil Donahue is. I have 6 Cabbage Patch Dolls and still know all of their names and birthdays. I love you Mavis Marcia with your red cornsilk hair and your heavenly smell. I will never forget the stench of jelly shoes or the pain of skinned toes from running in Flojos, tripping and having them end up half way up my calf. I can still beat the last dragon in the Legend of Zelda, original Nintendo thank you very much, and I can replay the sound the dial-up internet made while connecting in my head perfectly. Dang it get off the phone I’m trying to check my email!  Commodore 64, AOL,You got mail, floppy disks that were actually floppy, and spiral phone cords long enough to reach around the corner and give me privacy. These are the things that built me. 

I’m not ashamed of my age. I’m embracing it. I wouldn’t want to do anything differently because I wouldn’t be who am. I loved growing up in the 80’s and 90’s. I’m really not that different than I was back then. I have just added fake boobs and a mortgage and just so happen to have a big night planned tonight.  I’m off to throw a casserole in the oven, switch laundry, dye my roots, and watch my shows. Life is good. Who wouldn’t want to be me?

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