June 2, 2015

So I went for a run today after work. A real run which to me is about 6 miles, OK with a 12 minute mile average in this hilly town but whatever. I know, I usually subscribe to the “Unless you fell and smacked your face on the treadmill I don’t care about hearing about your run on Facebook” but this run was different. It started out as a necessity as I forgot to drop off my Girl Scouts year-end financials after work and decided to literally run them over to the treasurer’s house. I left my lab  home because I know that by mile 3 he is done and I usually have to call my husband to pick him up.  The dog can swim but running and hiking are just not his thing.

Around mile 1 I started to wonder why the heck I was out running. I mean really. I was gone all day and hadn’t seen the kids. Dinner wasn’t ready and I was pretty sure there was laundry still in the washer, which would be mildewy if I didn’t get it in the dryer. It was hot and I forgot my giant hideous visor so Hello sunburn and more wrinkles. My financials were sure to be sweaty and misshapen by the time I got there. I mean, who runs with an envelope in their hand?

By mile 2 I had jumped high over about 50 sticks still unnerved by the snake found in the toy box today. About that time a guy on a motorcycle honked at me and gave me yet another near heart attack of the afternoon. He must have known me. It clearly wasn’t a “you’re hot” honk but was more of a “good for you” honk like it warmed his heart to see someone like me out exercising. After all, I put my pjs on when the time changed in November and I just recently took them off. I broke the scrubs-pjs-scrubs cycle a week or two ago and decided that I needed to get back in shape.

It’s rare that I have any time alone. I really don’t want any. In 10 years or so my husband and I will have lots of time. It is more rare that a thousand chores and tasks aren’t running through my mind. We all have so much to do. My life is busy and exciting and I wouldn’t change a thing.

So I went back to pondering why exactly I choose to run for exercise. Maybe it is to appease my Fitbit. Probably it’s because I am not coordinated enough for Zumba, Crossfit seems like it would cause hemorrhoids, and Shaun T.’s Insanity makes you jump too much I mean really a sports bra can only do so much. I definitely don’t have the patience to walk so I run. It helps that all of my co-workers are in great shape. It is motivational. We are a bunch of fitness nerds for sure. Well I claim to be but have really slacked for the last 6 months.

By mile 3 I was in the zone and my thighs were rubbing so fast together that I thought I saw smoke. On the plus side, if I ever were to appear on Naked and Afraid my thighs would make a natural fire starter and I could bring a bowl as my one item and no one would be able to make fun of me like all of the idiots who bring a bowl but have no way to make fire. I would just have to go for a quick run.

I dropped the envelope at the treasurer’s slightly wrinkled and continued on the loop to home grateful for the downward slope of Alpine Boulevard. Man this town is hilly. Right around Janet’s restaurant I heard my tracker call out “Mile 4…average pace (well you don’t need to know…it’s slow).

As I approached the new BBQ place in town I paused a little as I saw a group of people gathered outside with their heads bowed as if in prayer. I immediately wondered what was going on. I mean I hadn’t been on Facebook all day. What did I miss? As I passed the group I realized they were all in line to get into the restaurant all with their heads bowed looking at their smartphones. Seriously? Well the up side is that the new place is hopping and I hope it stays in business for a long time.

I didn’t hear my phone call out mile 5. I might have been in a coma. Once I arrived home my tracker was just about at mile 6. Boom done.  That’s the best I can do to take some time for myself. Forever the multitasker. Who says you have to make time for yourself? How is that done? I am pretty sure that all of time is already made and I don’t have the power to make anymore. Why am I running when all I really want to do is eat a box of Jujyfruits. Everyday. That’s it. I just want Jujyfruits. (OMG I don’t think I know how to spell Jujyfruits because a squiggly red line keeps appearing under it.) But not the black ones because I decided a long time ago that the black ones are what you get fed when you go to Hell. Those and Good and Plentys and Black Red-Vines. That’s when it hit me. My thoughts are similar to a Seinfeld episode. OMG I think about nothing.

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