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It’s my Birthday.

I’m 44 today. Sometimes I fall off of the earth for a while but always make it back. I think it’s good to do that once in a while. I’m genuine and kind. I’m realistic and can’t handle drama. It makes me nervous.

I have expensive purses but wear a backpack from Target instead. I have good kids, well they aren’t felons, and I wear $6 sunglasses. I’m a very loyal friend and I have a work ethic we don’t see much anymore. I married my high school sweetheart and I still love him to pieces even though we are complete opposites and I want to kill him when he snores. I go to church. I go to bed really early. I do laundry every day and never sort it first. Occasionally I drop F-bombs but mostly I say things that sound like real curse words, but aren’t.

I have wrinkles and cellulite. I don’t know how to use filters but somehow my phone does and I’m grateful. I like to write but found people don’t like to read anymore so occasionally I make a funny meme and post it. I’d love to make some kind of living through my writing someday. I always wanted to be an anesthesiologist or a writer and stand-up comedian but decided to clean teeth instead. I believe in working hard for what I have or I don’t want it. I love my job and I’m really good at it.

On the day I die I’ll complain that I need to lose 10 pounds. I love animals and when I talk to them, I speak in a language that even I don’t understand. I don’t have a lot of friends (on purpose) but I cherish the few I have. I have no sense of direction and a really clean microwave.

One of my longtime friends told me that social media is just the highlight reel of people’s lives and she was right. Once you realize that life is easier.

Mom Skills

I’ve been a mom for so long I can barely remember who I was before then. I remember I had nice nails, and no gray hair or wrinkles but that’s about it. The rest is such a far off blur I’m not sure if it even happened. Did I really sleep until after the sun came up? Did I know where everything in the house was at all times and what people were asking before they uttered a word? Before becoming a mom, did I know that the fridge is actually 3 dimensional inside? “Mom! Where’s my?” To which I reply, “It’s in dryer”. “Mom! Where’s the?” “Look behind the ketchup.” “Mom! Have you seen my?” “It’s in the car.” I can do this all day. The one thing I wish I remembered though and possibly the most perplexing is whether or not I knew how to change the toilet paper roll when it was empty before I was a mom? Cause clearly male or female, there is no one in my house except me that has that God given talent. Does the skill accompany motherhood? Seriously, all the time. Which also brings up the question of why is so much being used and what do they do when it’s empty and they need it? I don’t even want to know. Day after day there’s an empty cardboard roll hanging on the holder. Occasionally there’s a new roll sitting on the counter above it waiting to be rehung. Who do they think hangs the new roll? I asked my son what they do in his apartment when the roll is empty and he just stared at me like he had no idea what I was talking about. How do all-men households manage it? My kids are so smart, why can’t I teach them this one easy skill? I’m so confused.
I guess as much as I try to make my kids responsible, self-sufficient people, there will always be certain things they just can’t do without me. I think it’s God’s way of letting moms know that we will always be needed.
@amytartgoaskyourdad